WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!
Make America Fluent Again . . . #2 Exercise This!
EX📝ER📝CI📝SES📝
⟫⟫⟫ Let’s Warm Up!
Something that works to🔥up my linguistic short fuse is an aural affront:
👂🏼🫷🏼My Ears Are Bleeding!
In the spotlight is edition no. 1’s pain-inducing proof of the inability of many people to pay close attention when LOOKING AT A WORD. It is the constant, ongoing, ubiquitous ear-stabbing mispronunciation of this godforsaken word:
🔎fen·ta·nyl (noun\ˈfentᵊnˌil\)🔍
Remember learning about vowels? A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y? I spy with my old hazel eye the y coming not at the end of the word, giving it a long i sound, or at the beginning of a word, like yes, giving it a yuh sort of sound. Instead, the y comes elsewhere, masked as at a royal ball, denoting the “ih”-as-in-“it” sound.
Thus we pronounce the word as follows:
🐵🐵🐵🐵🐵fen-tuh-NILL🐵🐵🐵🐵🐵
as in ”I need a PILL when I 🙉 people say ‘fen-tuh-NOL,’” with that final syllable said as in “all” or “N’ol,” in the way some people say “N’ol ‘Leans.” And where does anyone see an O, I might ask? So don’t 🙊 it unless your intention is to make me suffer!
Now think of one mispronunciation—whether incorrect or just plain affected—that drives you bonkers. Let me help: Remember when the Ukrainian recipe for chicken was called Chicken KIEV (kee-yev)? Why did it become Chicken Keeve overnight? I listened to Ukrainians pronounce it, and they were all Club Kiev! Just one more reason to support a peace treaty and fire news anchors who dick around with established names. We might need an Executive Order for that!
Speaking of hearing, having a good ear is key to good speaking and writing.
When I was a kid, I was fascinated by people who sounded fluent in the language: smooth articulation, conjugations requiring a chef’s kiss (or a French kiss, depending on the speaker), superb syntax, word choices resonating in the solar plexus, with an overall effect that made me close my eyes and swoon. I was captivated by the OG host of Firing Line, William F. Buckley, Jr. I think I was 11 when I first heard him. An alarm went off: SMART PERSON! LISTEN CAREFULLY! And when I was older, maybe just starting out in the publishing industry, I was on a Mary McCarthy kick, reading book after book. To me, her books were the high-literature version of Valley of the Dolls. I had to take to the dictionary, ye old hardcover kind, about every 5 pages. But she was worth it.
I picked up pointers, aural and written, about the nuances of language. I learned just as much from George, who owned the junkyard next door to us when I was growing up, as I did from the formally educated.
Keep your ears pricked up and read everything you can.
On to the exercises.
If you see something wrong, fix it. If you think something’s wrong but don’t know exactly what it is, make a note of it. If you don’t see an error in a sentence or string of sentences, forever hold your peace. If you think there’s a better way to construct a sentence, go for it.
There won’t be a space below for comments, as I know someone or other will give away an answer. Check back in a week to see if I have an answer key ready. Though it’ll cost $2 for nonsubscribers.
Ready? Go . . .
“All kinds of communication snafus have been happening, one after the other,” said Mary Ellen. “What the murphy’s law is going on?”
“Mercury is in retrograde, I said. “It turns direct on April 7.”
“Well, that explains it,” she laughed.
“It’s a mute point!” Chuck snapped. I don’t want to hear another word about it”!
The recipe calls for a cup of vegetable bullion.
The clerk at the DMV said registration fees are based off the type of vehicle being registered.
I add cumin and tumeric to my pinto beans.
Dave and I’s relationship is on solid footing
Most Americans don’t know that it wasn’t just Japanese Americans interred in camps on American soil during WWII, so were Italian Americans!
Florida saw a dramatic rise in addiction to sports betting since it’s legalization.
John’s and Lucy’s wedding day was September 5 1953.
I was born in a hospital in Passaic, NJ on October 5, 1955.
There might be as many as twenty errors in the foregoing sentences.
PS Even if language isn’t your jam, it would help immensely if you give this post a like to make it a little easier for the few word nerds and grammar Nazis out there to find. Thank you!
I think I got every single one!